I can’t find my gf. So here’s what happened: During a party I go downstairs to find that Damon, who was supposed to be our designated driver, is participating in a crack-circle. Obviously, I am pissed cuz I wasn’t invited, but also cuz there is now no way I can get home. I turn around, narrowly avoiding a lacrosse player tackling an armchair and walk upstairs to tell Alex that we might need to spend the night. But as I open the door I’m immediately punched in the face. Dazed, I get up and look at my attacker, it’s my gf, who somehow lost her shoes. "Wtf happened?" she asks, worried. "The fyck does it look like?" I reply, "You ****ing punched me." Apparently she can’t remember. Then I go to the bathroom where 22 people are in line. 2 minutes later a mutiny occurs and 15 people pile in the bathroom. Inside I notice the sink has been torn from the wall and that there is a 4-way wrestling match in the bathtub, as ice water rains down from a broken pipe.
I turn around and receive another punch, this time to the stomach, I look up, it’s my ex-gf. "Can I ****ing help you?" I ask. She draws back her fist crying something about our great chemistry but is suddenly spear-tackled by some unknown girl. I quickly run downstairs, tripped and landed on a now unconscious person. Some guy yells praise about my signature wrestling move and shakes my hand. I finally stumble outside where I see my car.
As I approach it I can’t believe what I’m seeing. In my car are 5 people I’ve never met before, who are passing a bag and eating what looks suspiciously like shrooms. I back away and notice that not only are there people in my car, but that there is also a 3some occurring, on top of my goddamn vehicle. I turn around just in time to greet yet another fist, this time barely grazing my shoulder. Damon has apparently finished his cocaine-spree and is now demanding that some day in the future, we go to Syria, explaining that it will change my life. He then passes out.
I try to get free from the huge crowd that is dancing to the deafening techno beat and spot my gf. She, along with 20+ others, are chanting for some lunatic on the roof to jump in a kiddie-sized, un-inflated, empty pool. I grab her arm and lead her away to an empty room, which was a bad move, cuz she interprets this as a request for sex. She starts undressing, and by the time I realize what she’s doing, 9 guys burst in the room singing the Canadian anthem taking pictures. I am not Canadian. Anyway, I am forced to leave after 6 girls (including my gf) enter the room and pull out an Ouija board. As I go downstairs, I witness a stand-off between 13 guys in yellow polo shirts holding ripped-off chair legs facing about 10 guys from the soccer team who have found a cache of frying pans and are now branding them as clubs. A particularly spectacular fight ensues after a drunkard falls off a table and 2 minutes later all are unconscious save for one soccer player holding a copper-bottom pot. I try and make my way past him but someone yells "Another challenger!" to which the crowd cheers. I realize I am about to be clubbed unmercifully, but luckily the guy trips and hits his face on an monopoly board where 4 very high people were playing checkers. I run outside and must have lost consciousness because that’s where my memory ends.
The next day I wake up and can’t find Damon or my gf. It has been 3 days and neither of them has called me, which is worrying me cuz there’s a party tomorrow. What should I do?
I apologize if it’s lengthy.
yeah, ask random people on the internet….
They’ll probally meet up with you at the party