You are trying to put every character you will have in the book into the first chapter, when you actually have to do it in the first quarter of the whole book.

Start with an outline or at least write separate scenes so you can see where the story is taking you and it won’t feel so disjointed.

Good luck with your story. The events you describe are realistic, I like that.
References :
http://jonibrady.blogspot.com

I want to write a real book. One that people will take me serious on.
It’s a young adult fiction about vampires.
And I don’t want it to seem like it was written by a 14 year old.

I need tips and guidlines on how to write a good book.
Thanks so much(:

Here’s part of chapter one that I wrote:

"Serena Bell awoke by the sound of her alarm clock going off. She reached over and hit the snooze button down hard, knocking it off of her side table. Serena groanded in annoyance and sat up, wiping her tired eyes. Why can’t school start in the afternoon? she asked herself. After yawning loudly, Serena yanked her comforter off of herself, revealing her bare, dark legs. Even in dead winter, she had a beautiful tan. She smiled to herself until she heard a knock at the door. Her smile quickly faded. Serena’s mom, Sarah Bell, poked her head in the door and smiled.
"Good morning, sweetheart. Time for school," her mother gently spoke, with a smile.
"Morning Mom," Serena replied, getting up from her bed and stretching. Sarah’s smile faded when she saw the low-cut shorts Serena had put on the night before for bed. Serena looked down at her shorts and rolled her eyes.
"They’re just pajamas, Mom,” she assured her.
“No, they’re trash,” her mother protested. Serena didn’t feel like arguing with her mom about the shorts, so she shooed her Sarah away.
“I have to get dressed now,” Serena said, matter-of-factly. Her mother winked and closed the door. Sometimes Serena thought of herself as the parent and her mom the child. They had a close relationship. Sarah was alot more like a child than an adult. More fun and outgoing than Serena. Sometimes she wished she was her mom.
When Serena was finished getting dressed, she went downstairs to get herself something to eat. Usually she didn’t eat in the mornings, but she felt kind of sick. Like she was going to throw up if she didn’t eat. She made herself a bowl of her favorite cereal, Capt’n Crunch Berries.
The bus outside pulled to a loud stop infront of Serena’s door. She dumped her bowl in the sink and grabbed her bag, running out the door. The bus honked. Serena didn’t like the bus. It was always full of screaming, rotten kids who thought they were better than everyone else. Especially Abri Mangum. Abri and Serena had always hated each other, ever since Abri moved to Hightstown in the first grade. She was a brat and honestly, Serena didn’t know why anyone liked her at all. But Abri was one of the most popular girls in school, and everyone worshiped her. Except for Serena and her two bestfriends, Tosha and Lizzie. The pack hated Abri. When they were in the fifth grade, they all tried to come up with a plan to push Abri off the jungle-gym. It worked. Abri fell and broke her arm. Serena, Tosha, and Lizzie all got called to the principals office, but they denied pushing Abri off. They got in trouble anyways. That was one of the many memories they have together.
To Serena, it felt like forever until the bus got to the school. When it stopped and the doors opened, Serena got off as soon as she could and headed to the library, where her and her friends always meet in the mornings."
"Serena Bell awoke to the annoying racket of her alarm clock buzzing on her nightstand. She reached over and punched the snooze button, sending it flying from the side table. Serena groaned tiredly as she pushed herself up, forcing her body to awake as she slowly wiped the sleep from her eyes."

Why can’t I write like that??
Ugh.